Although writings on the topic of excuses and lack of motivation could fill up entire libraries I will shorten this entry to my experience as of late. As I might have mentioned in previous posts, I will be graduating (come hell or high water) in May. So it is without saying that I am extremely anxious, but when I get anxious I also shut down almost completely. I have already finished two classes for this semester and since they were shortened classes I went full steam. Now I am completely worn out. This brings me to the part about excuses. I am a firm believer in the no excuses policy or that excuses are like a certain part of the human anatomy. Yet, that rule does not seem to apply to me when I am justifying why I am starting my research paper hours before it is due or why I am just considering which graduate program I want to apply to. Nope, I have excuses to fill the Grand Canyon for those things. I try to relieve the situation by being super organized and dedicated for a week and them, again, I lose steam and fall off the wagon.
One excuse that I do standby is that I get tired of reading chapters from a text book and regurgitating the information in a neat little package that will suffice in the eyes of the professor without really caring about what I wrote. This scares me the most. It makes me think that my lack of motivation is because I don’t care about my major? Have I spent these last two years of my life dedicated to a field I have no interest in? The thought of this horrifies me. But, it can’t be true. I do love learning about the city, the people, and the way they interact. I just never have been the person to sit back and learn second hand, just facts no passion.
Here comes the catch. In order for me to be involved in the city or learn firsthand how it develops I have endure this year and another two of graduate school. I fear and I know that I will continue to struggle with excuses and lack of motivation. This has never stopped me before, in fact, I do very well under pressure!
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